30,000 tons of tungsten: 100,000 balistic fridges


So we were listening to Marketplace on the drive home this evening and they had a segment about banks covering the tracks of money transfered from Iran. Stephen Beard, the expert they were interviewing, gave an example of why this might be suspicious:

BEARD: Well, again, the details are very hazy. But there are some signs of something sinister in connection with the inquiry. E-mails from Iran have emerged in which Iranian interests are seeking to buy huge quantities of tungsten. One order alone, apparently, was for 30,000 tons of the metal. Now, as I understand it, tungsten is used in the manufacture of long-range missiles, and it’s also used to make fridges. So, ask yourself: Why did Iran need 30,000 tons of tungsten — for fridges or for missiles?

Thereafter, the conversation in the car went a little like this:

Dustin (using a shifty-sounding accent of no determinable origin): “Yes, I’d uh… like to order 100,000 refrigerators?”

Me: Are they self-guided? Heat-seeking?

Dustin: With a sub-zero freezer and an armed warhead.

It degenerated from there. But you gotta admit – the idea of a missle-fridge is really entertaining. Would it protect your leftover broccoli casserole from a midnight raid?

“You have violated leftover restrictions. Your kitchen will now self-destruct in five…four…”

Can you send it soaring across the country as an attack on the meat-eating monsters who just refuse to understand that eggs have feelings too?


“Another attack by the Other White Meat folks?”

“No, it’s a flying refridgera-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” (Boom.)


5 thoughts on “30,000 tons of tungsten: 100,000 balistic fridges

  1. Hey, you have a blog too! How exciting.

    I heard this report last night too. Though, I must have missed the whole refrigerator/not a refrigerator thing. I was pretty busy figuring out the road/not a road problem of driving in heavy fog.

    I hope you and Dustin are doing well.

  2. For some reason when I first saw the pic and title (and before reading the blog itself) my first thought was something I saw on Smithsonian channel last night. Some weirdo made a ‘stonehenge’ totally out of dead refrigerators.

    Yeah I know, totally irrelevant to the contents of your blog entry but it made me smile anyway.

  3. Hey Jesse! Thanks for stopping by. Glad you made it home through the fog. And Eq4bits: Fridge-henge is never irrelevant to anything. I love it when people build henges out of stupid things. We have a Car-henge not too far from here…

  4. You have all been scooped by Charley Rose’s interview last week with John McLaughlin, ex-Deputy Director of the CIA, and David Ignatius, spy-pretender and writer for the Washington Post.

    They went into blithe detail about this subject and the consternation they have about it. They seemed more than typically fearful.

    Charlie Rose, of course, kept his head and pushed on through the interview. Maybe he was just chilled out about it all??


  5. Aw, that’s so sweet. A serious reply to a totally non-serious post. Even a good pun! I went to see what you were talking about, but the video clips of the interview weren’t working, so I’ll be forced to assume that my proposed missile-fridge scenarios were wittier, even if they were somewhat less timely. 😉 I’m used to being untimely, so it’s okay.

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