Poop Guns & Endless Night

Here, compliments of my Week magazine, are the two best news bites of the month.

It’s a good week for the endless night, after the McMurdo research base in Antarctica stocked up for two months of darkness with a shipment of 16,500 condoms. “For the most part,” said the base’s manager, the 125 scientists who’ll spend the winter there “know how to occupy their time.”

Shall we do some math? 16,500 condoms divided by 125 scientists, not all of whom could possibly be male…

It’s a bad week for political protesters, after rumors spread that Denver authorities plan to control unruly demonstrators at this summer’s Democratic National Convention by unleashing a new infrasound weapon that makes people poop their pants. For security reasons, city officials will not confirm or deny they’ve acquired a “crap cannon,” but say their crowd-control measures “will comply with requirments.”

It cracks me up when people report on rumors. Especially when “people” is Fox News.

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