The Twilight Saga & Why It Shouldn’t Piss You Off

Hello my much neglected blog! Something about beautiful weather in the summer and my current revulsion toward sitting at a desk all day makes it difficult to spend any time typing at a computer that isn’t strictly necessary. But there’s a topic that’s rattling in my brain, so I might as well have out with it.

(Before I start, let me note that there are no direct spoilers in this post. I comment on my opinion of the plots without saying what those plots are. I do, in one case, say what the plot is NOT, and that is noted in case you don’t even want to know that much.)

I just finished reading Breaking Dawn, the last book in Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga. I picked these books up originally because I was impressed with the commotion they were causing in the press. I like to read books that are wildly popular, because I figure there’s usually a reason for the popularity. In most cases, I’m not disappointed, and in the case of Twilight, the first book in the series, I was absolutely delighted. Twilight is a perfect love story with all the right elements to make it really delicious: a girl who is just like I was in high school, a boy who is too perfect to be true, forbidden fruit, and creepy secrets.

I read the whole thing in one day, and Dustin asked if it was any good. I thought about the question for a minute, then replied, “I really liked it, but I’m not sure if it was good.” To clarify, I reeeeally liked it. I immediately reread it, which I haven’t done to a book since, well, high school. I will probably read it again in the future. Perfect escape fiction, with no deep themes or unpleasant ties to reality, beyond those which are necessary to keep it just this side of believable. And that’s what I meant by saying I didn’t think it was “good.” I wouldn’t rank it in the annals of literature. It is not Austen or Tolkein. It is not a book which will change your life or challenge literary archetypes. It is, plain and simply, a fun read.

And so I dove into the second book, New Moon. I did not enjoy it quite as much as the first, because some of those painful ties to reality, mentioned above, started creeping in. Fortunately, the conclusion was adequate to counteract these irritants, and I was satisfied.

Before I go on to books three and four, let me introduce the reason I’m writing this blog to begin with. After reading the first two books, I was very anxious to read the last two. Then a friend of mine who works in a bookstore (and apparently doesn’t know better yet) let slip that the last book really pissed some people off. “They’ve been asking for their money back,” she said. “Can you believe that?”

“Nooooo! Don’t tell me!” I wailed. I hate hints about how stories end.

“No, it’s not a big deal. I just mean, I can’t believe people can be that dumb about books,” she said.

I just sat there and grumbled. She’d tainted the story. There was only one thing I could think of that would piss off the rabid sort of mostly teenage fans that follow this series: a not-happily-ever-after ending. And that would piss me off too. But I couldn’t quite believe it would happen that way, so I went ahead with the last two books anyway, vowing (at least) not to try and return them if they did end that badly.

(Mini but not obvious spoiler about what doesn’t happen: my biggest fear was that Edward would croak and Bella would somehow wind up settling for Jacob. Or worse – Edward DOESN’T croak, and she STILL winds up with Jacob. Ew.)

Book three, Eclipse, exacerbated these fears. The three-way relationship tangle just got worse, uncertainty of every flavor enters the picture, and who wants to read about that? And puh-lease: who really believes it’s possible to be in love with two people at once? Nuh uh. No way. Especially the way Bella supposedly loves Edward. That doesn’t leave room for accidentally falling in love with another guy at the same time. Gross.

And so I began Breaking Dawn with trepidation. Halfway through, all my major fears (see mini-spoiler above) were relieved. Now, the worst that could happen was that EVERYONE ended up dead, therefore doing away with the happily ever after but at least no one was settling. I could have felt okay about that.

But I needn’t have worried; everything resolved into a perfect, fluffy ending with whipped cream on top. It was wrapped up so very neatly, in fact, it even erased my irritation with the plot of Eclipse, providing an elegant explanation to what I claimed was an impossible situation. I couldn’t have written it (much) better myself, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what could have caused people to be pissed off enough to try getting their money back.

So I did a little looking. It turns out that most people were tweezed off about the exact things that I loved: the story was shallow and predictable, the conclusion was rushed and not bloody enough, Renesmee: what the hell? Okay, so I’m ambivalent about Renesmee. I’d've been okay without her, but it would have needed to be a completely different story without her. As for the rest – isn’t shallow and predictable the very reason we read books like this? Attempting to write these books any other way would have robbed them of their easy appeal as tasty escape fiction.

Heart-wrenching tales of characters with depth who live in realistic worlds do not exist in the young adult fantasy-fiction section. Heck… they hardly exist at all. If that’s what you’re after, allow me to recommend The Grapes of Wrath or even Lord of the Rings. If you want polished and beautiful prose, I’d stay out of the young adult section and contemporary fiction all together.

It’s one thing to pick up a fluffy book, read it, and think, “gee, that was kind of twinkie and too unrealistic for my taste,” and then never read a book by that author again. But why read a whole set of books like that if you knew from the start that you wanted realism and quality?

The moral of this story is: don’t get yourself so worked up about things that are not worth the effort. If you’re looking for no-brainer escape fiction with an entertaining love story that’s not too difficult to follow and will occasionally make you giggle out loud or sigh with satisfaction, I’d give these books a read. Otherwise, let it go. You can’t have your money back regardless.

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Reality vs. Fiction

I found a quote I really love today, which completely sums up the whole philosophy behind this blog:

The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to be credible.

- Mark Twain

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The Difference Between Fiction and Travel Writing

I keep an eye on the search terms people use to find my blog. Blogging, in general, makes me feel just a little like an exhibitionist, and (to the extent that it doesn’t involve taking off my clothes) I rather enjoy that. People peeking into my life. But why do they peek? What were they really hoping to find when they stumbled across my blog?

Here are a few of the more entertaining search terms that have brought up my blog:

• naked college coe
• wolf lingerie
• donny osmond you can’t fire me i’m famous
• spider soup

And my current favorite:

• difference between fiction and travel writing

What a wonderful question! Take a moment to savor it on its own merits. Aah!

Now here’s my opinion: that question sums up my entire opinion on writing and the theme of my blog: there is very little difference.

Memory, I’ve been told, is one of the least reliable sources available. I could swear up one hill and down another that my sister was wearing a blue shirt yesterday. I might even be willing to place a wager on it, I’m so convinced, but I could be wrong. Easily.

I spent a few days last week listening to my grandparents tell stories of their pasts. On several occasions, they disagreed with each other about the way such and such event had actually happened, or whether so and so had been married twice or three times. It was clear to me that each grandparent was equally sure that his or her version of the tale was correct, and neither would admit otherwise.

Most of these disagreements would end with my grandmother flicking her fingers at my grandfather and saying “oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway,” though her tone implied she’s only humoring him. Sometimes she’d add an aside to me in her I-forgot-my-hearing-aid whisper: “Your grandpa doesn’t remember as well as he used to.”

Truth is, both my grandparents’ memories are in excellent working order, especially considering their ages. If I wanted to write a story of, let’s say, their courtship and wedding, I might interview both and get two slightly different recountings. Which one is more right? Neither, of course. The real story is the story that lives in your mind. If I wrote down a combined version of the stories they told me, I bet neither grandparent would find the result very satisfying. I can hear the comments now:

Grandma: “Well, that’s not really exactly how it happened, but it was nice of you to try.

Grandpa: “Very creative.”

Hehe.

There is more than one way to tell any tale. You can relate what happened, describe a scene, and include dialog only to find upon rereading that the story that it evokes no emotional response at all, much less the same feeling you had while being there yourself. How do you get that moment back, then?

It is not enough to simply describe. A scene must be created, sculpted to your audience and tailored to exceed expectations. Tools in the arsenal? Exaggeration is potent, and must therefore be used in moderation. Using a perspective other than your own to get closer to the action is occasionally good. Outright lying…? Well that’s where the whole question arises, isn’t it? When does embellishment for the sake of giving a story its true feel cross a line into fiction?

I mentioned in a previous post that A Million Little Pieces was an excellent example of this debate, one which was lost by the author. I think James Frey’s mistake was telling a tale shocking enough to elicit public outcry. Though he may well have suffered so much that his story demanded to be told at the edge of obscenity, people generally don’t like to have their emotions whipped to a boil and sympathies imposed upon only to find them misplaced.

So here is my guideline for determining when the telling of a tale is just right or gone to far: Ask yourself what someone else who was also there (or might have been there) would say if he or she read your story. Anything ranging from “yes! You got it dead on!” to “haha! That’s good, but not really what that woman said!” are acceptable. (Note that the “haha” in the last comment is important.) Once you enter the realm of “dude, that’s not right” or “what are you trying to say here?” (assume tone of irritation or anger) you’ve probably gone too far.

But who am I to make guidelines? Do what works for you, be willing to accept whatever consequences your words may have, and maybe you, too, can be on a best seller list.

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Fiction Writing Pitfalls

Before I go too far, let me put up a disclaimer about my credentials. I am not a published fiction writer. I have had several non-fiction stories published in fairly obscure journals, but no one has ever paid me to write fiction. I hope that changes some day, but for now I do it for fun.

That being said, I do it for fun and I do it a LOT. As one of my favorite professors once said, quantity must come before quality. I see an incredible improvement in my writing over the past ten years, which is about as long as I’ve been writing any kind of fiction. My characters are more interesting, my plots less shallow, and my form much less gross.

Writing in a club, I also get to see other writers go through this transition. Sometimes, I even get to help. I really enjoy doing that. Over the years, I’ve noticed several very common problems that new writers have, and here I am to tell you all about them, in hopes that if you are also a new writer, you might be able to benefit a little.

Following are my Top Five Pitfalls of New Fiction Writers, in order of most irritating and, coincidentally, easiest to correct.

1. Not Proofreading. Proofreading is so important. This is perhaps a bigger problem in fanfiction writing than in regular fiction writing, because if you plan to submit something to a publisher, you wouldn’t dare hand it over without proofreading. When “only” fellow club members will read a piece, I suppose sometimes writers feel that it isn’t as important, but it is! Whether we mean to or not, readers judge an author on how technically correct her writing is. I mean the basics here: spelling, simple grammar, punctuation. If you proofread, you will catch all the silly mistakes and even some of the less silly ones. You will sound more intelligent and more invested. I’ll never be able to stress this enough. Practice by proofreading everything, even your emails to ma. You’ll never be sorry.

2. Making Yourself the Main Character. I’ve talked about this before. Each of us is the most interesting person we know. This is because we know ourselves better than anyone else. The problem you run into if you try to fictionalize yourself is that you are less willing to take risks with the character. This can be harmful to a character whether you’re writing interactively or alone. Your character will react to situations the same way you would react, and if you never push beyond yourself, your character will probably never appeal to anyone other than yourself. The biggest problem here is that it is almost impossible to see for yourself that your personality is stunting your character. She looks just fine to you, because of course, she is you. I think the only way to really get around this is to try writing a character (as a protagonist) who is very different from you. I mean it – think of the one person in the universe you most despise and write a story where that person retains all of her qualities but becomes the hero of the story. If you don’t find that infinitely more satisfying than writing about yourself, I’ll eat my socks.

3. Excessive Description. For the most part, this is just what it sounds like. I think many times, writers new to fiction underestimate what their reader is capable of, imagination-wise. Describing things is one of the delights of writing. Well-done descriptions can really awaken the reader’s interest, pull him in and capture his heart. Descriptions that are bulky or unnecessary serve only to annoy your reader, causing him to either question your description or lose interest entirely. There are a couple specific ways that over-descriptiveness causes trouble in writing. I’ll specifically mention my two favorites: Adjective Abuse and Metaphoric Mayhem.

Adjective Abuse: When we write, we have very specific images in our minds, and we want to convey them to our readers. Long strings of adjectives may cover all the sensual bases, but they also get in the way of letting the image form naturally in your reader’s mind. Could your “grove of maple trees whose rustling leaves had all turned red, orange, and yellow, glowing as if on fire with passion for the fall” just be a “grove of brilliantly colored maple trees”? Could your “large, grey, wrinkly, old elephant” just be a “large old elephant”? Are the images conjured really very different? The need for complex or multitudinous adjectives may depend on how important your subject is. If the subject is unimportant, drop those extra adjectives like hot potatoes. Or just potatoes. If your subject merits extra descriptive attention, ask yourself “why?” When you know the answer to that, focus on describing it in a way that will give the reader the information she needs to know without beating her over the head with images she could have conjured up for herself. Maybe that grove of maples is where your bad guy is hiding? Try “the grove of maples was aflame with color, making it difficult for his eyes to focus on what might be lurking inside.” Let your reader paint the trees with their specific colors, replete with shadows and gently blowing breeze. If describing is one of the joys of writing, filling in the descriptive holes is one of the joys of reading.

Metaphoric Mayhem: This is the one that causes me to groan aloud as I read. Metaphors and similes are beautiful things. Sometimes they can do a job that straight description simply cannot. “When he told her the news, she wavered a bit from the shock of it, looking pale and sad.” Or, “When he told her the news, she shivered where she stood like a candle flame about to go out.” Both accomplish the same thing, but the second implies so much more. The danger of metaphors is twofold, however: they can easily become too silly and can easily be used in the wrong place at the wrong time. We’ve all see those email forwards that list the best of high school metaphoric disasters: “McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup;” “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.” You get the picture, but it’s so ridiculous, you stare at it and completely forget what was supposed to be going on. Even a good metaphor, when used in the wrong place, can do damage to the story’s flow. “Across the ballroom, the princess spotted Lady Mavis, dressed in a gown that was brown like horse poop.” Again, you get the picture, but it completely contradicts the setting and mood.

4. Over-Wordiness. This is like point 3, but applies to every single word in what you wrote. I read some very good advice somewhere (I think perhaps it was from Stephen King’s On Writing) that said, essentially: write your story, then cut a third of it out. What’s left is what you meant to write in the first place. Here are a few very specific ways of using too many words:

Excess Inner-Monologuing: This is something I see a lot around my Nerd Club, and is one of the reasons we don’t focus too hard on the “try to avoid short posts” rule. In order to make their contributions seem important, many of our writers are inclined to add too much information about their characters’ thoughts. If describing your character’s thoughts serves no purpose in the plot, drop it. “She took the piece of pie and was reminded of childhood at her grandmother’s house. There was always a fresh pie on the windowsill every Sunday morning. Usually it was rhubarb, but sometimes it was apple. She loved apple the best.” Unless Grandma’s Pies will come back in Chapter 16 as the murder weapon, we probably didn’t need to know all that, and now we’ve lost our train of thought about what was going on in the present. This is the greatest danger: distracting your reader from the actual storyline. If the train of thought is important to the story, give it proper attention by not placing it at a point that distracts from the flow of events. “She went back to her room and sat down at her desk, heart pounding fast with the realization she’d just made. Grandma’s pies! They had been fresh on the windowsill every Saturday morning. Not just some Saturdays, but every Saturday. That was the key!”

Constant Catch-Phrasing: This is a habit we learn from speaking and sometimes forget to filter out of our writing. Many of us like to preface our statements with words like “well,” or “so,” or similar words. They add nothing except to give the narrator a hesitant voice. Such phrases can appear at the ends of sentences in the form of rhetorical questions (“isn’t it?” “right?” “don’cha know?”) or in the middle of sentences as any number of useless words. That might mean that the writer is particularly fond of a certain way of phrasing something, and although it’s okay the first time he uses it, it becomes irritating if used repeatedly. The same can be said of large or uncommon words; sprinkling them throughout a story can add flavor, but overdoing it is like over-salting your dinner. The words “just” and “actually” are my two biggest pet peeves. When proofreading your work, if you come across either of those words, ask yourself “does the meaning change if I leave it out?” You might be surprised how often you answer “no.”

5. Did I mention Long-Windedness? Okay, it’s the same as Over-Wordiness, but it’s a big one and bears repeating. In 3 and 4, I mentioned specific ways people include too many words in their stories, but after deleting excess descriptions, inner monologues, and useless adjectives, sometimes there are still too many words. This leaves your story feeling slow or bulky. The best way to catch yourself falling into these traps is to ask someone else to read your work. It can be difficult to get honesty out of a reader, but if you tell the reader what you are looking for, then it will be easier for him to tell you what he finds because he knows you aren’t expecting a report of perfection. First drafts are always too wordy. If you want to try something fun, take a story you’ve written and try to cut out half of it without damaging the plot. I don’t mean for you to save the full flavor, but see if it is possible to cut out half the words and still keep the plot – bare bones though it may be – in tact. You might be amazed.

So she says 1800 words later. But I am referring to fiction, and I think I might have at least one or two worthwhile points. Good luck!

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Killing Characters

I don’t care for death.

Who does? you ask.

Authors who want to write good stories, I think, is the answer.

Death is a part of life. It’s hard to get away from. It’s tragedy. It’s drama. It’s often very good storytelling. Conflict is at the heart of storytelling, and death, threat of death, or fear of death is often at the heart of conflict.

I have a friend in my Nerd Club who is a big fan of death. She judges authors on their willingness to kill off main characters, and she doesn’t shy away from following through with her own characters. Death is inescapable, I’ve heard her say (paraphrased), and to leave death out of your stories or to let all the good guys live is rather ridiculous and robs a story of all realism.

You may have heard my thoughts on this already, from my Harry Potter post. I liked Lord of the Rings because all the good guys were still alive at the end, even though you thought at least a few of them had died along the way. Joyous reunions for all, tears only shed for parting on a long trip.

I am an escapist, in fiction. I find enough death and sorrow in the real world that I don’t care to have it follow me into my fantasies. I like books where people live. I cry easily when characters die. I cried through the entire last half-hour of Titanic, the entire second act of Les Miserables, and the last three chapters of Harry Potter. Yes, I admit it. I am a sucker. I am the person they make Hallmark commercials for. I gasp, sigh, and cry on cue.

Some people find this sort of secondhand sorrow enjoyable, cathartic. I rarely do.

Death itself does not scare me as much as it used to. I believe that death is not the end, not for me or for anyone else. I believe I will see the people I love again, whether I die first or they die first. This does not stop me from fearing loss. I do not want to be alone.

That is what I think of when I think of death. Even if it is for a character in a story, someone I have little emotional connection to, I find myself thinking of the possibility of his or her death in terms of who will be left behind and what effect it will have on those people.

I never kill my characters. At least, I have not to date. If they annoy or bore me, I send them away to some land outside of focus where they can moulder away in obscurity, fates unknown. That’s better, because it leaves the possibility that some day they could return. Death is so permanent. Heck… it seems more permanent in fiction than it is in reality (unless, I suppose, you’re writing about zombies).

The only story I’ve ever written including death was a story where half a clutch of dragon eggs simply did not hatch. They had died in their shells before they ever had the chance. It was a beautiful story. Probably one of the best I’ve ever written for my Nerd Club. I cried while I was writing it, I cried when I proofread it, and I cried again when I re-read it several months later.

I wonder about the psychology of killing characters. What sort of person can hardly stand to do it? What sort of person avoids it entirely? What sort of person kills characters with glee? What sort of people are they in real life? How would they react in a real life or death situation?

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The Writing Mirror

In writing class today, we played the composite story game. Most people have done this at some point in their lives. Each person in a group starts a story, then every few minutes, you pass it around and then write a few sentences on someone else’s story. Eventually your story comes back to you, having gone totally haywire. Here’s my story:

Billy Bob couldn’t believe his ears. He leaned over and turned up the radio. Had he really just heard what he thought he heard? “Astonishing news this morning!” the announcer said. “We just found out that

Canada’s army has mobilized against the United States of America. Hockey-stick related injury reports are streaming in. It is speculated that the attack is indicative of Canada’s long-standing envy over America’s ‘really cool flag.’ A statement issued by the Canadian prime minister read:

‘Eh, we will trow all our best rocks and sticks at them until we can drive them away, yah? Too bad we have excessively strict gun laws which prevent us from properly defending ourselves.’” Just then, an alarm rang out signaling

that Joe should wake up. “Damn,” he thought. That was a good dream. It had been awhile since that dream; he loved it every time. Just then his wiener dog Max came into the room and peed on his new rug.

“YOU LITTLE BASTARD,” Joe screamed. He got up immediately and cleaned it up. Well, time for work I suppose, he thought. Maybe I can pick up where I left off tonight with that dream.

And there you have it. A truly brilliant act of literature, yes? Well… it could use some copyediting.

Anyway, the point of the exercise was to get us to think about different styles of writing. We went around the table and talked about how each person’s style was different, and how you could tell that from the story bits each person had written.

It is always a bit disconcerting to have someone appraise your writing style. Writing can be very personal, and we can be very touchy about it. I learned this very well working at my college’s Writing Center: you handle a person’s writing the way you would handle his ego – gently.

All we did today was say “I think so-and-so is a humors writer/soap-operatic writer/dark writer.” Not so bad, eh? But a judgment nevertheless. My writing was judged to be “nice,” that is to say – I spent my story fragments trying to lighten the mood. We had bunny rabbits with PTSD, man-eating fat boys, homicidal casino workers, and hands stretching up through pavement cracks from the depths of Hell. I guess subconsciously, I was trying to keep the tone light. I wanted to be entertained, not depressed.

So yeah, it was probably a fair assessment, and none too damaging to my ego. But it made me think about how I perceive myself as a writer too.

I know my role as an administer of my writing club: I am the one with the light touch. I am the one who is overly-sensitive to member feelings and the one who wants everyone to be happy. Clubs need people like me to protect the members from people like eq4bits, who I’ve seen leaving comments here. Clubs need people like her to help the club as a whole survive people like me, who would probably let everyone get away with twinkidom. As Shawn said during class today: “You bring balance to the Force.” Thanks, Shawn. You get points for that one.

But what about me as a writer? I have flashes, now and then, of seeing my writing from the perspective of others, and I find it very strange. Like a mini out-of-body experience. Am I always a fluffy writer? I wondered today. Hmm. Let’s see.

I just cracked down on J.K. Rowling for disclosing the imperfections of her characters. I said I wish she’d left them ideal. That doesn’t bode well for me.

My own characters are interesting enough, I think. My primary character is a young woman who is my age but very different from me. She is ambitious, where I’m a big fat sheep. She has difficulty maintaining relationships, where I think I’m pretty easy to get along with and I’ve found the love of my life. She’s been accused of murder, she’s transfered men to other places for selfish reasons. In the end, she’s a good leader, and at least she isn’t a twinky.

Hmm. Writing her up like that, she doesn’t sound very interesting. I have plans for her to fall madly in love with a man she can’t be with. I’d like her to develop some enemies. In the past, I’ve written some stories about her that have made people cry (or so they told me). I think I’m pretty good at that. I make myself cry a lot, but I’ve mentioned before how easy that is.

In the end, I guess that means my writing isn’t all roses, which is just as well. We had one member who we nearly ran out of the club for just that reason – too much positive and not enough conflict.

I suppose it is situational. Though my musings apply primarily to fiction, a predisposition toward the positive can come across in non-fiction too. Look at the perfume the government sprays all over its announcements. Oh, nevermind. Not a good example of non-fiction. But there are ways of writing letters, ways of addressing people, that are more light-handed than others. And I guess, as already mentioned, I do specialize in that. I think it is usually effective and easy to swallow, but I suppose there are times when you just need a hand from hell to come and tell it like it is.

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What’s the opposite of MPD?

Subtitle: The Dangers of Fictionalizing Yourself

MPD. Multiple Personality Disorder (or, as I understand it, the PC term is now Dissociative Identity Disorder). One body has many personalities living inside. It’s a serious condition that has resulted in plenty of entertaining jokes and movies. I’ve known one person with this condition. It’s much more alarming in reality than it is in those movies.

But this isn’t meant to be a post about anything serious like that. What I really mean to talk about is what happens when you are so attached to your own personality, that you can’t imagine any other personality even exists.

Over the years, my writing club has had several members who are unable to separate themselves from their characters. This means two things for a writer. First, it means her primary character is a fictionalized (and usually idealized) version of the writer herself. This ties in very closely with twinkiness, but isn’t quite the same. (I’m open to suggestions for a name for this disorder. For now, we’ll call it EDP: Egomaniacal Personality Disorder.)

This creates a whole slew of problems. Characters we base on our own lives are usually boring. Of course, we don’t think so, because we are living our lives and know all about the drama and romance. I’ve never met anyone whose real life was truly boring, the problem is that real lives rarely translate well into fiction. Why do we love to read about celebrities? Because they are not “real.” Normal people don’t have lives like that. Celebrities can get into trouble we “real” people can only imagine and they are, therefore, just as good as fiction.

But not me. Or you. Not, that is, without a lot of help from actual fiction. So let’s just assume, for the sake of this argument, that fictionalizing yourself is a bad idea that results in a boring character.

The sad result of writing boring characters in a group writing environment is that no one else wants to write with you. The result is that you begin to wonder why no one likes you, the writer. The situation becomes even more complicated if people do write with you, but the story doesn’t go the way you expected. Did you intend for that studly horse trainer character to fall madly in love with your sweet little harper girl, but instead they had a big fight and he took comfort in the arms of another woman? They’re just fiction, right? So why do you feel so bad?

If we write ourselves into our characters, the line between fiction and reality can become very thin. This is okay if you’re writing a novel based on your life – then you have control over everything and it can work out exactly the way you want. Not with multiple writers, each in charge of different characters. Actions done by someone else’s character to your own character become personal and everyone winds up unhappy.

This is very difficult to explain to writers, especially new ones. The first thing they do is go into denial. “Oh no, she’s not like me. Her temper is much shorter, and I don’t have red hair.” Uh huh. Then, if they try and change the character, they wind up not liking her anymore, and become even more unhappy. Or, they can’t change the character and nothing else changes either.

The second unfortunate result of EPD happens when a person suffering from it creates many characters. These characters may have different names, different appearances, different ages, different backgrounds, or even different genders… but they all wind up being the same person. The results of this are pretty much the same as above – no one wants to write with you.

What is the solution? Can EPD be cured?

I think so. Usually, practice is the key thing. Most writers will eventually come to understand that they can’t keep their characters too close, or they will be stifled. Like in real life, characters have to be able to respond to each situation presented, they have to be able to change as a result of being in that situation, and they have to have their own voices. In our world of fan fiction (while not true of all fan-fics), the outcome of any story is rarely certain. Flexibility is a must. Learning to have two different characters react to the same situation differently is a very good exercise.

And sometimes, I am convinced (though my fellow BOD members likely wouldn’t agree with me), the only cure is to let a writer get away with it. If she never gets to realize her fantasies of perfection and stardom, she will never understand that there are other, more entertaining options. Sometimes, I think it just has to be gotten out of the system.

And that, I think, is the reason there are so many hundreds of different Fan-fic clubs to choose from. Every writer who can’t have her own way in one place has started up her own club someplace else, where she can reign as Twinkie Supreme.

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The difference between writing and role playing

Here’s an item that plagues my club. What is the difference between writing fanfiction and role playing?

The truth is, the difference isn’t always a big one. I wish it were bigger.

Role playing is the act of putting yourself into a character’s shoes, becoming that character and letting your identity mingle with that character. At least, that is what I believe. You can do this Dungeons & Dragons style, at the risk of accidentally calling your spouse “Zorg” over dinner some night, but you can also do this through writing, where I suppose the risk is signing a letter to your spouse with “Love Anastasia, Queen of Lovebegone.”

Using writing as a method of role play is simply a matter of writing out actions in “real” time. One common way to do this is in a chat room, where all involved characters interact. One writer usually functions as the proverbial “dungeon master,” handling changes of scenery or non-character based interactions. (“And suddenly it begins to rain, and poodles form on the ground. Before you can figure out why, they are running around and nipping at your ankles.”) Everyone else responds as if they are there in the moment. (“Lulubelle screams and falls over as one particularly vicious poodle clamps onto the hem of her dress and rips it clean off.”)

Writing in present tense is also fairly common (if not a rule) for role playing through writing. If you are in the moment, you’re reporting events as they happen, like a sportscaster, rather than describing the way they went, like the commentators at the post game. It’s fast, it’s exciting, and often, no one cares exactly what happened after it’s done. What matters is the moment.

How about writing fanfiction? We of the fanfiction world have delusions of grandeur. We think of ourselves as authors, we care about our characters in a whole different (and probably baffling) way. Our plots are lengthy. We just concluded one plot which had been brewing since late 2004. Our characters are deep. If you want to know why Renaldo hates women, read his story dated 1/13/1987. What matters to us? The story. If you read my stories, I want you to forget for a moment that I wasn’t the inventor of the premise. I want my characters and my plots to be so intriguing you will read what I wrote because it pulls you in.

So why is this a plague upon my club?

I mentioned once that we have about 40 active members in the club. Of those, 25 are solid members, and the other 15 are either coming or going. Why so many in transition? There are at least a bazillion members of Pern Fandom out there. I would say the majority belong to the Role Playing crowd. I’m going to generalize and say that folks who enjoy that type of interaction tend to have shorter attention spans. They often belong to several different clubs (if there are a bazillion members of Fandom, there are at least half a bazillion clubs) and have countless dozens of characters.

And so when they get bored and start looking for something new, sometimes they find us. We love new members. The more the merrier. Clubs stagnate if they never get new members. But if a member doesn’t fit a club…

The other downside to the anonymity of the internet is that people aren’t afraid to get ugly when things don’t go their way. I think we’re a particularly pleasant bunch at my club, but we still have really rotten results with members sometimes. We did everything we could, and they just didn’t tack on. It’s okay – we’re better off without them anyway.

But what about the ones who want to follow our rules but just can’t break old habits? I suppose it’s gratifying to know they like us so much they want to make the effort. But come on, guys. How tough can it be to remember to say “we went to the party last night” instead of “we go to the party?” It’s weird! No one even talks like that..

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Why Fandom?

I think that Fan Fiction (fanfic for short) is a really intriguing phenomenon. A single author comes up with a truly brilliant idea, and soon the rest of the world has latched on, thinking they can either improve on it or add to it or even make it their own. In all honesty, I would rather have my own good idea to write about instead, but since I apparently missed the originality boat, I’m willing to settle.

I have theories on why people enjoy doing this sort of thing. Here they are:

1. Readers love a story or character so much, they can’t bear to see the story end. In this type of fanfic, writers use the author’s original characters to extend stories past the written conclusion, write backstories to predate the original author’s work, or even add things into the author’s version of the story. Search for “Harry Potter Fan Fiction” if you’d like to see how popular this is. It’s nuts.
2. Readers find the concept behind a novel or a series truly fascinating, but are disappointed with the actual plot. They feel perhaps they have a plot that is more satisfying. Again, they use the characters created by the original author. Perhaps the story as a whole was okay, but they hated the ending. Rewritten endings seem to be a particularly popular form of fanfic. Misery for those of us who lack the homicidal tendencies of Annie Wilkes.
3. Lastly, there are the groups who fall in love with the scenario behind a fictional work, and wish oh-so-badly they could live there themselves. This usually applies to science fiction or fantasy works where the world created is broad and well developed. Go to any local bookstore and check out the Star Wars and Star Trek wall. There is a whole wall, I guarantee it. Star Trek is such a big field of fandom, in fact, that they have conventions, societies, and dress up like Klingons to get married. But what about us folks who are shy? Who have secret passions for nerdy hobbies but don’t want to be seen in public wearing a Ferengi facemask (even if it meant your own mother couldn’t tell who you were)? For us, there is writing. And what more anonymous place than the internet?

The fanfiction I write falls under that last category. Anne McCaffrey developed a beautiful world on a brilliant concept: a creature exists who would choose you out from a crowd, tell you you are better than all those other people, and love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. Oh yeah, and now you get to work together to save the world.

Let me make one thing clear: I think Anne, though brilliant with her ideas, is a mediocre writer. Her plots are good, her characters are rather Twinkie, but her writing itself is a little blah. Not only that, but she created her world as she wrote her stories, a device that would have mortified J. R. R. Tolkien. The result was some serious plot holes, and worse, holes in the world of scientific logic.

But we cope with that. We find bandaids to put over the gaping holes and construct characters and plots that are more satisfying than her originals. (Sssh, don’t tell too many people I said that. I could get mobbed.) And we really enjoy ourselves.

I’m convinced one day, I’ll do like Meg Cabot and launch out of the world of fanfic into a world of top ten best sellers and movie deals. One of the characters I invent will be so intriguing, or some plot so juicy, I’ll be able to pull it out of the world of fandom and make my first million. If I do, I’ll be humble and pay tribute to my fictional origins.

Just not where my adoring new public can see it.

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